Roger Porter
July 8, 2011
What do we call those people who aren’t afraid to embrace their own solitude? How do we refer to those of us who don’t care to run with a click? I do believe we consider these people to be quite strange for the most part. However I always loved the individual who is truly an individual so I guess that makes me weird as well but so what.
I think that the woman who can stand alone is far more beautiful than the woman who stands out in a crowd. I lust for she who loves herself with an overwhelming passion and only needs me there to help. Or at least that’s what I fantasize about. In reality I don’t know if I could handle her because in reality I am a man and thus cursed with certain oppressive characteristics.
I wonder how much of an individual can any woman be in a committed relationship? As a child I remember watching the strongest women I knew yield to their boyfriends; and not because they were forced to or because they were abused but rather because that’s how they were programmed to behave. I watched them give up the last word and held in my laugh as they acted like they couldn’t do things that I had seen them do a thousand times before—things like mow the lawn or pump the gas—so they could get their boyfriends to do it.
Even as a child I figured out that it was all an act but the men they dated never caught on. They thought these women were naturally submissive and dumb so they treated them as such. I suppose that’s all courtship is, it’s like an erotic masquerade.
What will happen when the masks come off and it is revealed that he is weak and she is a masterful thinker? What will become of the relationship then?
That’s why I like the ones who stand alone because they refuse to hide their strength. When she is by herself she is effectively placing all of her righteous attributes on display.
ghettosun 
Yeah, just imagine how it feels to be a woman witnessing this… so many strong, independent women giving up everything that makes them who they are in order to merge into a relationship. It’s enough to make someone who values her solitude wonder if there’s some unforeseen force waiting to overtake her once she gets into a relationship. Kind of terrifying.
“Even as a child I figured out that it was all an act but the men they dated never caught on. They thought these women were naturally submissive and dumb so they treated them as such. I suppose that’s all courtship is, it’s like an erotic masquerade.”
I’m sure that some women play it but I think that it’s not always a game like “gotcha! I’m gonna just sit back and let you do all these things that I can do myself.” I remember some years ago, a man saw that I was standing around waiting for something for a very long time and he brought me a chair. Call me crazy or whatever, but I said thank you and when he left tears started streaming down my face. When I asked myself why I got so emotional and it was because for the first time a man (aside from my grandma) really made me feel like a woman. So much of my life I’ve carried the understanding b/c I’m a woman of this era, I’m not thought of as delicate, sensitive and precious as women were in my grandmother’s and maybe some of my mother’s era. I understood and embraced that I will be an emotional and physical caregiver, go to school, work, at times be a housekeeper and cook among other things.I know that men prefer an independent woman these days that has her own everything and does for herself and I’m happy to say that I am not dependent on anyone for my basic necessities and wants. I’m very proud that I know how to pump gas, replace locks, fix toilets, mow lawns, paint rooms, fill brake fluid, etc…I don’t really wait around for someone to save me and do them for me if I can do it myself. BUT, the times when a man that I was dating offered to help me by doing one of these tasks for me, I think I’ve always exhaled a little and thought to myself, wow…I really feel like a woman…not that being a woman means never doing these things. But this is what it feels like to fall back and know that a man wants to take care of me. Not monetarily, but just like “let me take some of the stress/load off of you…” even if it’s something as small as opening the door for me. It took me a long time to let men do these things for me without guilt and I still offer to do things on my own. I was proud when I got to a place where I allowed a man to make me feel like I’m a woman and give me a hand. It reminds me of this song by amel larrieux…called “weary.” I love being an independent woman but as amel explains, sometimes it’s exhausting singing the soldier song all the time…
Weary by Amel Larrieux
This woman is growing weary
Of having to be so strong
Of having to pretend I’m made of stone
So I won’t end up with no broken bones
I can’t fight every battle alone
I want someone to lift me
Heal my wounds and give me kisses on my head
Say words that should be said
Fear is not the matter
I would so much rather open up my heart
And lay down my guard
Chorus:
If I could trust someone
To have my back and never do me wrong
Then I would give my love up
Just like that stop singing this soldier song
(repeat)
whomever said love was overrated
must not be getting’ none
my independent days have had their fun
but when the parties over
and the workin’ day is done
I just want to come home to someone
I want a love to take me
As I am not make me compromise myself
Or be like no one else
Fear is not the matter
I would so much rather open up my heart
And just lay down my guard
Thank you Tiffany.
You were right. I love that post.
“What will happen when the masks come off and it is revealed that he is weak and she is a masterful thinker? What will become of the relationship then?”
From my experience the man freaks out and the relationship ends.
Never mind.. you never said I would love it. lol But anyway, I do.
Lol, I’m glad you do Julia. And FYI I find your blog to be rather dope.
no prob!
lol why thank you very much!