October 7, 2011

I never know how I’m feeling until I start writing, which goes to show how truly numb I have become. What good are feelings anyway? There is always something to be depressed about and there is always something to be happy about, it’s up to each individual person to decide which end of the spectrum they would rather live on….Well isn’t it?

It’s amazing to me how mankind can spend billions of dollars probing outer space and analyzing rocks from the moon when we know so little about what happens in our own heads. People master the art of suppressing their own emotions in order to thrive in a culture that fails to acknowledge the human spirit. Everyone wants to stand upright, get a high quality education from a prestigious school, make a lot of money, get married, and die wealthy. The whole notion that there is a formula to success always struck me as being preposterous. After all how can one develop a formula for something as ill-defined as success?

Success is happiness; therefore it can mean a million different things to a million different people. The man who walks down the street mumbling to himself while pushing a shopping cart may be experiencing complete internal bliss while the wealthy man with a mansion on the hill may be suicidal. A major problem with western society is we value the worst ideals. How can we thrive as a people if we place the pursuit of capital above the pursuit of love?

A few years ago I read a book entitled; Bombay-London-New-York by Kumar. The book is a kind of literary autobiography that also speaks on the Indian Diaspora. During one nostalgic passage Kumar writes about the good old days in the Indian country when—and I’m paraphrasing here—, “A man could look forward to dying in the same house that he was born in.” I can’t exactly tell you why but to me that is peace, that is fulfillment, and that is success. I can’t imagine anything better than to be able to have it all end where it all began with your grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and children all around you. When it is my turn to perish I want to go out surrounded by love so that all of my descendants will be assured that capital is ultimately irrelevant, and then hopefully they wouldn’t be tempted to die for something that doesn’t really matter.