Delusions

Anger isn’t very far removed from love. I’m still mad at her, which makes me wonder whether or not I feel deeper than I thought I did. She’s still mad at him which causes me to become suspicious of her. For if she can’t achieve indifference toward him then how could she ever grow to love me?

Some people deal with their insecurities but I don’t. I allow them to accumulate and obscure my vision. I allow them to cause paranoia and delusion. My insecurities give me company when I am alone. They tell me that I wasn’t wrong for leaving that girl. They tell me that if I didn’t leave her then she would have left me. They pick up my phone and send text messages to the easy girl with low expectations. And they whisper into my ear that I’m not violating my humanity but rather I’m only being a man. They tell me this until she’s at my door, on my porch, and then when she comes in they leave. Then after I cum they come back.

They prevent me from feeling weak and irresponsible. They disallow me to feel insecure.

-YB

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