May 19, 2011
Relationships are very difficult in general. Being in a committed relationship with a black man probably makes that task 10 times more difficult—Ok sisters I get it. As a black man I am the first to admit that sometimes we make it impossible to love us. For a lot of brothers the issue is that it is hard to love someone else when you do not love yourself. For this black man it’s trauma and baggage. After all being hurt really hurts, what else can I say.
So now with all of that being put out there, I would like to ask all of the scorned black female lovers of America to please tone it down a little bit. I’m getting so tired of hearing women talk about all black men being dogs, and how it’s so difficult to find a good one because of “the shortage.” Black men are in prison, black men are gay, black men have multiple babies, black men are abusive— damn hearing that crap seriously makes my head hurt.
As always the media is a huge part of the blame. It appears that the fallout from the exposure of The Down Low will never subside. I understand the fear and paranoia which stems from it to a certain degree—I mean the thought of being exposed to HIV would freak anyone out—but at some point we have got to get better and move on.
And I’m sorry to say it but if 2 people are in a relationship and it doesn’t work out then it’s a collective failure. When I’m in a situation with a woman and it goes terribly wrong (which is almost always the case) I can’t blame it on the state of black women as a whole, as a matter of fact that would be very counterproductive. All I can do is gather myself and mull over the question, “What did I do wrong this time?” It is only after I figure this out that I can move on.
The shortage of the black-man thing is used as a cop-out far too often. When it comes to the abysmal state of black male/female relationships both sides need to share the blame equally. I will take accountability for what I’m doing wrong as long as you do the same. Is that asking for too much?